honeybunch

I fell in love with this little painting at a flea market the other day. I asked the vendor how much for the cow; he furrowed his brow took a moment and said "oh you mean the deer." I guess the woodland background should have been a clue, but all I know is I hung it in Stella's room and she said "I like the cow picture mom."

My baby and me are in synch lately. I could chalk it up to whatever mystical force guides children's emotions, but I'd like to think it's my skillful parenting that's brought some welcome harmony after a long stretch of tantrums and saucy behaviour. Credit where it's due, this book has totally reshaped my approach. I've read a bunch of parenting books recently; 1-2-3 Magic was suggested by our Doctor. It was a disaster. It infuriated Stella and really only amplified a situation that was already out of control. And because everything was done in the heat of the moment I found myself dishing out bizarre consequences that had no connection to the issue at hand, and often punished us more than her. Won't eat your dinner? Fine, you can't play outside tonight. Waaahh! And now we're suddenly - loudly - focused on not playing outside versus the real issue in the first place, table manners, and everyone's meal is spoiled. Some time in the summer a neighbour dropped off a big box of toys her kids had outgrown. Manna. It was full of cool books, a microscope, a Schroeder-esque piano and a big old fashioned red gumball machine. It was empty so I really cannot explain the appeal but the gumball machine became Stella's most prized treasure. The night it was taken away in a fit of tears, the look of betrayal on Stella's face convinced me this was not the approach for us.

I think why Sarah Chana Radcliffe's approach is successful, for us anyhow, is because it emphasizes positive reinforcement. The parent doesn't get to "win" every situation. It's more forgiving of letting smaller infractions go by in favour of the bigger picture. There is more trust and more logical connections between behaviour and consequence that Stella seems to understand better. I think I'm starting to understand the reaction of parents who've been here before when they say "You think a baby is hard? Just wait." This shift from quantitative parenting to qualitative is tricky business.